i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize