the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
