Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
