dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
