I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
