Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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