never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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