i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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