Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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