i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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