His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
