he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
