i don't like sucking hair
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
