help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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