Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
