I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
