Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
