he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
