Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
