do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
