I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
