the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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