I wannas sexs uuuuu
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
