i permit you to call me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
