My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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