I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
