at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
