i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
