dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Someone shit on the floor
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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