You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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