So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
