If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
