Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize