This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
