i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
