the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
