You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
