my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm really busy with my period
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