At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my poor anus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
