i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ok first of all what the fuck
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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