the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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