If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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I need you to use more vowels.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
