well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
