you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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