My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Houston, we have a blender
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
