I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
