I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
