I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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