Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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