Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
