I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
