is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so let's talk penis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
