Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
