walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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