i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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