my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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