it was like his penis was on wheels.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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