he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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