Pappa wants mamma naked
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
