Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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