Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
