I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
