There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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