kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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