you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
