Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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