So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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