She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
