Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
